Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
