Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
