Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
