So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
