Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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