Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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