You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
