wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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