it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
