capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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