check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
