oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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