We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
