I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize