Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
