I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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