i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
