i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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