so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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