it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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