I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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