it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
