hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
