were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
