Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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