I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
