remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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