hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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