One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
