I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
