you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
