my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
