i think my mom watched the whole time
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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