You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
