she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
