im six kinds of drunk right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
