Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
