every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
