I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
