wrigley field is MILF paradise
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life