Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf

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  (832): dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf http://tfl.nu/g2ft
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (1362)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.

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  (920): I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on. http://tfl.nu/vax8
  Replies (15) Good night (3560) Bad night (650)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.

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  (519): Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven. http://tfl.nu/t5a6
  Replies (52) Good night (930) Bad night (4340)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  gotta love wednesdays

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  (309): In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st. (217): gotta love wednesdays http://tfl.nu/3grc
  Replies (21) Good night (4189) Bad night (1066)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.

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  (843): I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you. http://tfl.nu/lcu4
  Replies (11) Good night (1106) Bad night (4416)
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  (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

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  (951): apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex. http://tfl.nu/6011
  Replies (10) Good night (2313) Bad night (1118)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.

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  (620): The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us. http://tfl.nu/uobg
  Replies (3) Good night (3963) Bad night (793)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

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  (336): There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed http://tfl.nu/1ryb
  Replies (4) Good night (1469) Bad night (925)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

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  (608): he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually. http://tfl.nu/qiv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2655) Bad night (884)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.

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  (734): It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/kgmn
  Replies (24) Good night (4849) Bad night (772)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...

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  (573): I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were... http://tfl.nu/299s
  Replies (8) Good night (3260) Bad night (764)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here

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  (931): I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here http://tfl.nu/mh8f
  Replies (4) Good night (2181) Bad night (559)
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  (818): View more from California

  Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.

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  (818): Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest. http://tfl.nu/joqb
  Replies (9) Good night (1372) Bad night (473)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..

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  (215): i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out (1-215): you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night.. http://tfl.nu/3w68
  Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (1012)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face

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  (917): I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face http://tfl.nu/busq
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (327)

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