my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
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There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?