It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.