I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
