I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
