Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
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I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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