She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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