youre lurking in front of me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
