He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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