He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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