I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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