the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
