no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
