the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
