there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
