I wanna passion pit in your ass
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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