I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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