Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
