i was born a porn star she said
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
