Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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