New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Drake has all the answers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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