I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
