break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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