I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
