Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
