I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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